Renewal

Wow. No "Lost" tonight. I hardly knew what to do with myself. Instead of watching "Lost," I decided to work on my NaNo, but I seem to have come to a plateau. The initial excitement of getting started is wearing thin. I have a little over 40,000 words and there are still two weeks left to write! I think that I will get much closer to the end of my story by the weekend, since I've been writing about 4,000 words on each weekend day. Maybe I'll even gain the 50,000 mark by then. I'm not sure if my my story will be finished by 50,000. I'm not stopping with 50,000 even if my story isn't finished. I'm in chapter 9 of approximately 14 chapters (I ended up combining two planned chapters earlier in the story, and it looks like chapters 9, 10, & 11 may be combined also.)

So as I was saying, the initial motivation is waning. I sat here earlier this evening trying to get the fingers flying across the keyboard, but it was a difficult slog. I cleared out a bunch of stuff today, old emails that I had saved from years ago; old stories; old notes. Sure, maybe I shouldn't have gotten rid of those old stories, but I decided that I could (and would) write better ones. I'm a different person now than I was years ago--thankfully. I was calculating up how many journals I've written in this year, and my total page count came to 2760; that's 860 more pages than I wrote last year. I was amazed at my progress when I added up all the numbers. Not all of that is wonderful stuff by any stretch of the imagination, but each volume is like a new me. When I leaf back through them, I remember who I was then, at a certain point in time. This year has been a real turning point for me. I have been very stressed out lately, and remembering where I was in November 2005 as compared to where I am now in life, I gained a new perspective: everything is as it should be. I should stop fighting against the current of my life and go with the flow.

2007 is going to be my year of victory.